Chocolate Story

I’ve done it! Well, assuming I make it until midnight tonight, I’ll have made it 28 days or the whole month of February without eating chocolate.

Multiple times this month I’ve gone to purchase something and then realised it has chocolate in it. Let me tell you, not only is that disappointing, but suddenly everything else in the shop seems so boring in comparison! But, somehow, I still managed not to eat a single bite of chocolate.

Having said that….Friday is definitely going to involve me eating the box of chocolates that’s been in my desk drawer at work all month (well what’s left of them anyway, since I was feeling generous and starting giving them away to other staff!)

Im sure if your reading this you are aware of why I did this #dechox, but just in case; it was to raise money for the British Heart Foundation in memory of my son.

Oscar died at 23 days old and, obviously, chocolate was never something he tasted. That doesn’t mean I don’t have a couple of chocolate related Oscar memories though;

Oscar was born in a local hospital and then transferred to a specialist one. During the ambulance journey I was given a kitkat…a great temporary distraction technique from what was happening. I had given birth 24 hours before and was sleep deprived, which may explain why that kitkat is one of the clearest memories I gave of that ambulance ride!

In the specialist hospital Oscar celebrated what would turn out to be the only holiday he ever would; Easter. And while Easter obviously has a religious element, for me it’s mostly about the chocolate. And, though he was much too young, he was given his very own chocolate Easter chick.

I like to think the photo below is evidence that Oscar would have taken after me in loving chocolate;

So, while I’ve always loved chocolate and the BHF Dechox would have been something I was likely to do anyway, I like that Oscar has a small link to the chocolate element of it.

I don’t get to parent Oscar and I don’t get to be proud of his newest achievements, but I can use his name. I can use his memory to raise money. And as a really large bonus, in doing so I get to talk about my favourite subject (which is obviously Oscar, not chocolate!)

I wanted to say thank you to those that have supported me through the #dechox. Whether it’s by giving a donation to the BHF, putting up with my Social media posts or just not trying to tempt me with  chocolate; thank you.

And, as an extra thank you (and maybe as an incentive if you are able to donate but haven’t done so) here are a couple of previously unseen Oscar images;

 

 

#dechox and the BHF

When I was 16 I volunteered in a British Heart Foundation charity shop. I didn’t specifically pick it because of the charity, it was just a shop that was in a convenient location that said yes when I asked. Who knew that many years later, that would be the charity that supported me.

Above are the leaflets I was given after Oscar’s diagnosis, which are produced by the British Heart Foundation. I read then from cover to cover, and while in the end, much of the information in them we never needed, they did help. They gave clear and concise information about the mind-field of a heart condition that Oscar was diagnosis. They are basically the “how to live with a child that has half a heart guidebook.” It’s funny how two little books could offer a little reassurance at such a scary time. Of how having it in print that we were not alone made it just that little bit easier.

Then, because of the British Heart Foundation, we also had Nic. A specialist heart nurse. She was the one who asked us after every appointment if we were sure we still wanted to continue with the pregnancy, a question which I always hated being asked. However, she was also the one who made sense of each appointment we had. She de-coded the doctor speak, she made sense of the doctors drawings of Oscar’s heart (you think doctors handwriting is bad, let me tell you their artwork is no better!) and she was able to make a box of tissues appear from nowhere! Without her support, it would have been much harder to cope with all those early post diagnosis appointments.

The British Heart Foundations involvement in Oscar’s Story is just one small thing that the charity does, but for me it’s enough to want to give something back to them.

The British Heart Foundation couldn’t save Oscar, but if he had been born 10 or 20 years from now, who knows…..you see, the money they raise also goes towards research into heart conditions. In the future maybe research will find something that can provide a better outlook for those parents who are told their baby has half a heart. Maybe in the future parents won’t be told that their baby has a “close to 0%” chance of surviving. Maybe they won’t have to make that decision to provide comfort care only at birth. Maybe, just maybe there can be a different future for babies born with HLHS.

And that is why, I try to raise just a little money for the British Heart Foundation every year. I can’t have Oscar back, he couldn’t have lived, but maybe the small amounts of money I can raise will lead to other parents not having to bury their children. Of not having to make that choice to say goodbye.

This year, for the entire month of February, I’m hoping to raise this money by giving up chocolate with the BHF’s #dechox campaign.

I’m a chocoholic. I eat chocolate every day. I have a chocolate drawer in my kitchen. My sister did the same challenge a couple of years ago and I told her I could never do it, yet here I am saying I will!

When Oscar was born we were told he would only live a few minutes at most, we were told that he wouldn’t be a candidate for surgery. I’ve repeated so many times on this blog that Oscar proved everyone wrong, he lived for 23 days and survived open heart surgery.

If a baby born with half a heart and a close to 0% chance of survival can live for 23 days, then I’m pretty sure I can do 28 days without chocolate.

As with most things I challenge myself to do these days, I do them because a tiny baby showed me that impossible isn’t always so, and that sometimes going outside your comfort zone can be a good thing.

So, I’ve pushed the chocolate to the back of a cupboard and it will remain their until March 1st.

Last night I ate an entire chocolate bar as a farewell treat

And I think that’s all the prep work I can do. Now I’m just going to need a lot of willpower (something I know I have very little of usually!) and hopefully some support from you to help me compete this challenge.

For Oscar;

If you have anything to spare, I’d appreciate it if you could donate to the link below. If not, just don’t tempt me with chocolate for the next month!

https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/dechox2019-oscarsstory