April 5th, three years on

It’s taken me all day to begin writing this. As much as I love telling Oscar’s Story, every post is just another reminder that he isn’t here. 

April 5th 2014 was the day after Oscar’s surgery and I only took two photographs on that day. 

I also have another diary entry: 

So, our first day post surgery was all about trying to reduce some of Oscar’s medications. He was still heavily sedated and we did not see his beautiful eyes today. I don’t recal whether he was actually awake enough to grip my hand, but I spent a lot of time holding his…I suppose so that hopefully he knew we were there.

The first photo shows his foot is elevated. That is the side that they went into in his cath lab procedure and from that he ended up with a blood clot in his groin.  This was a known complication that could arise and Oscar had to be started in blood thinners. Despite these, Oscar was prone to blood clots, and in the end I joked that he was collecting them…I forget how many he ended up with. They kept a close eye on them, but they were an added worry that we could have done without.

His leg being elevated was to help with the swelling in his foot.

As mentioned in Oscar’s diary entry, his kidneys weren’t working at this point, and he wasn’t passing urine. This was another known risk of the surgery and another complication we would rather have avoided. This meant at regular intervals sugary water was put into his belly. It was left there for a time (it varied between 10 and 30 minutes over time) and then drained back out. It sounds a little odd, but basically it was a gentle way of trying to remove the toxins from his body, the job his kidneys should have done.

This was the start of our obsession over the contents of Oscar’s catheter bag.

The plan for Oscar’s surgery on the 4th had been to open his “intact” atrial septum and then to complete something called a hybrid procedure.

They had got half of this hybrid procedure (the pulmonary bands) completed before Oscar became too unwell and they had to stop it. I’m hazy on the details, but I know that he had a cardiac tamponade and that at some point they had to convert to a full open chest procedure in an operating theatre. I believe he was also on heart lung bypass.

(I was told full details of what the surgery entailed/what went wrong at the time, but honestly I can’t remember those details a year on. They just weren’t what was important for me to remember.)

The plan at this point was to allow him some time to rest and recover, then in a couple of days complete the rest of the procedure (placing a stent in the ductus arteriosis.) This would enable him to come off the dinoprostone.”

Re-reading and editing these posts, its partly like reliving each day. Reading each post and looking at the photos, I can almost imagine being back there. While my memory is good, three years later the days have blended into each other. I’m glad that I have each individual day recorded. That even if I do forget over time, that somewhere so many details of Oscar’s life are recorded. That I have a written record of Oscar’s life to jog my memory into remembering. 

So, as difficult as it can sometimes be, I will keep going with transfering Oscar’s story here. I know that remembering and recalling can be painful, but I need to know that his whole story will exist somewhere forever. Somewhere that isn’t just inside my head. And, it’s a story that only I can tell. A story that is as unique and amazing as the star of it; Oscar. 

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